SOMETIMES IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

🌸SOMETIMES IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

Do you ever feel like crying sometimes?

Do you ever feel like letting go?

Do you ever feel like not wanting to be strong? Do you ever feel like when will things end?

One of the most popular myths in our society is that: "We need to be perfect”. 

That we have to live as though everything is okay and we’re not allowed to have emotions or show weakness. 

That we have to be strong and pretend there is nothing wrong.

Because of this myth many of us fail to just feel our emotions- to just allow ourselves to be human and feel how we feel.

Because of this we look at our emotional status to be a weakness and a problem, instead of a way to express ourselves and get through whatever it is we are going through.

We fail to understand that: 

“it’s okay to not be okay”. 

To be completely honest, I struggled with this same thing for a long time (and still do sometimes). Because of my adoption and the emotional abuse I had gone through, it took me forever to get to a point where I could feel okay.

After my mother had brought me to the orphanage to drop me off, we talked to someone who pretty much left me feeling at one of the lowest points in my life. Before my mother left, this person looked at me and said: “if you cry you’ll never see your mother again.

Those words were the beginning of a long recovery.

I was emotionally damaged and didn’t know how to act. I was trapped in a hole of wanting to be strong for my mother and I, so I can see her again, but also I just wanted to cry my eyes out because I was hurting. As a seven year old girl, I was fighting a battle that should not have been my reality. Day after day after day I fought with my emotions. 

This was my life for a year and a half.

 Eventually I broke down and cried. After that I never saw my mother again.

My healing process as you can imagine was very hard. I had many breakdowns and I didn’t even know why. 

For as long as I can remember I went through many years where crying didn’t happen often. The most I broke down and allowed my family to know what was going on was a couple times a year, maybe a little more. I was too scared to cry and feel what I’d held in all those years. I didn’t want to feel because that meant I’d have to relive what I’d gone through. My family helped where they could but I had to choose to let go and learn that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.

 I thought I had to be perfect and do everything right. I was afraid if I had finally cried, something bad would happen and I would lose another person. It took some time for me to learn that I was safe where I was. That I didn’t need to worry about being this perfect girl, I could just be myself.

 I thought I had to be perfect and do everything right. I was afraid if I had finally cried, something bad would happen and I would lose another person. It took some time for me to learn that I was safe where I was. That I didn’t need to worry about being this perfect girl, I could just be myself.

Each year that went by was a little better, but I still had ways to go.

Eventually, I learned that I didn’t have to be perfect. I learned that what was on the TV and magazines and all over the world wasn’t what I was sent here to be or act like. I learned that I could cry and show weakness and that was okay, And that was all that mattered at the time.

I know it's easier said than done but, if you can’t hold up the act any longer then just let go. Just let go of the pressure of needing to be perfect.

So to anyone who needed to hear this message today here you go: just let go and be okay for a while. Not perfect, not excellent, not what others want you to be, but just what you need to be for you. Take your time and just do what you need to do for you. When you’re ready, pick back up and be okay with wherever you are.

There will always be people who have their own opinions and how they think you should be or act, but always remember: if God is okay and happy with where you are, then you should be okay with where you are.